census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
