took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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