I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize