Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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