I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
