So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
