How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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