So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
