he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize