so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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