I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
