I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
