Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
