epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
