i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
