btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
