Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
