We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
