you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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