wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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