He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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