I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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