I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The beer is more important than you right now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
