Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
