you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize