we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
