That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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