We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
