bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize