i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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