u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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