my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
