Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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