Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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