I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
