That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
