Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Your penis caused this!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
