why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
