I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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