It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
