put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
