How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize