you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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Randomize