My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
