Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
