So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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