He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
