She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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