I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
