Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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