kristin has been a bad kristin
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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