u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
