I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize