My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
