just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
