Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
