so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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