so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
