Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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