if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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