I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
