see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
