I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize