wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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