O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
