I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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