just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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