My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
