Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
