you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
