i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
