She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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