Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
