My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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