Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
